Many clients come to therapy after a specific event, recurring issue, or painful experience that leaves them feeling stuck. They often feel frustrated with themselves and powerless to change behaviors or emotions that seem unshakable. In today’s fast-paced world, we expect quick fixes—like simple steps or magic affirmations—that promise instant transformation. Many clients feel frustration, self-doubt, or shame about their current state and simply want to stop the behavior and move on. While it can be easy to identify the current state and desired outcome, it’s the messy, challenging, and exploratory process in between that creates change.
I challenge my clients to lean into their current discomfort and explore how they got there. I guide them to recognize that their discomfort holds valuable information about both where they are and where they want to go—and how to get there. This process can be tough and anxiety-provoking, as it requires patience and can raise doubts about whether change is possible.
Our reactions, whether in moments of difficulty or joy, are shaped by past experiences, implicit rules, and the narratives we’ve built about ourselves. These experiences, often rooted in family dynamics, childhood relationships, and internalized beliefs, influence how we view the world. Many clients aren’t aware of the origin of these rules but feel an unspoken pressure to live up to them. We work together to examine these beliefs and question their truth.
Understanding why we behave the way we do allows us to develop self-compassion and flexibility, creating space for growth. Adults often show more compassion to children learning new skills than they do to themselves. But lasting change comes not from criticism or fear of failure, but from safe spaces where we can experiment, make mistakes, and try again without judgment. This foundational process promotes self-compassion and increases the chances of lasting change.
In therapy, true change doesn’t happen overnight or through quick fixes. It requires us to dive into the messy process of self-discovery, to explore the roots of our discomfort, and to recognize that the journey itself holds the key to transformation. By understanding the beliefs and experiences that shape our reactions, we can begin to build self-compassion, challenge unhelpful patterns, and develop the flexibility needed for growth. Change is not about avoiding discomfort or rushing toward an idealized version of ourselves; it’s about embracing the process with patience, curiosity, and self-kindness. With this approach, lasting, sustainable growth and change becomes not only possible but more achievable.
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